Online dating, chapter 10: The Scientific Method… and math

Time to experiment.

I just changed my primary profile picture to see how that affects things – I’m using a shoulders-up picture of me wearing a hoodie; who doesn’t look cute in a hoodie? I wasn’t particularly fond of the picture I was using originally, but it was the most current photo I have of myself. Screw it. I’m going to use the picture I like instead of the more honest one.

460 profile views with that other picture. I’m going to reset the counter and see how this new one does.

Right now I show that I’m seeking men 30-35 within 25 miles of me. I’m 32 this summer… maybe I’ll tweak that range to, uh… 29 to… 40? Yeah, I’ll go with 40. And I’ll up the distance to 50 miles.

Does the “I have cats.” statement make me sound like a cat lady? Technically, my cat lives with my parents. So… I’m switching it to “I like but don’t have” cats. That’s safer.

If we’re going by the Scientific Method:

Question
Will tweaking my profile help me meet Mr. Awesome?

Hypothesis
Tweaking my profile won’t do a freakin’ thing. I live in Texas. My luck with men in Texas is approximately crap.

Predictions

    • In the next three weeks, I will receive fewer than 100 profile visits. This is probably good, actually, because I’m traveling for three out of the next four weeks.
    • Before my subscription is up for renewal, I’ll have 2 more dates.
    • I’ll probably be unsure about renewing, and might consider site-hopping.
    • The one guy I’m really interested in from this site will have either
      • fallen off the face of the planet, or
      • proven to be an idiot in awesome’s clothing

       

Fast forward three days. First of all, Match, your “You have 24 new matches” emails are misleading. There aren’t 24 new prospects for me to check out every day, there are nine, although I bet you’re counting the men you pit against one another for my click/affections. But that doesn’t make sense, either, because there are 20 men total in the “Who Do You Like” pairs, plus the nine matches…

Your emails are weird, Match.

Since adjusting my profile three days ago, I have 30 profile views, four men who Liked me, three 40-plus-year-olds (47, 47, 43 – and the 43-year-old looks like a young Danny Trejo) who want to chat, two emails from potential suitors, one wink, and one guy who liked one of my pictures.

NUMBERS!

Out of the bunch, there’s one guy who seems cool, but he lives way south of me. Like, way.

Now, for my NINE (that’s less than 24, Match – just FYI) matches. The first guy: “I thought I would throw some keywords that would describe what I like to do.” DUDE. KEYWORDS! HE DOES SEO!

That’s what people like to call “jumping to conclusions”, isn’t it?

I swear, “easy going”, “down to earth”, and “laid back” are the three phrases most used on this site. I guess calling oneself “uptight” or “anal retentive” isn’t going to get you any dates, but wow. More profiles say one of those three phrases than don’t.

“Just get to know me and see if you like….” Okay. Okay. Let me get on my soapbox. People who say that they don’t know what to say in their profile and that I should just email them, or get to know them, or get in touch with them to learn more – those people drive me nuts. You’re making me do all the work. I understand it’s hard to write a profile, but this just strikes me as lazy. /rant

Another note – don’t post pictures of multiple people, especially you and your siblings, and not tell me which one you are. That’s some While You Were Sleeping mess right there.

Several matches today who want their match to be Caucasian. No other ethnicities selected. Really, guys?

I have 13 maybes now. Who wants to go through them for me?

One comment

  1. “I guess calling oneself “uptight” or “anal retentive” isn’t going to get you any dates…”

    Actually, it just might, but probably not the kind y’all be wantin’
    Funny stuff.
    I really wish I had saved some of the messages I got while on eHarmony.

    Great Post Girl!

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