Online dating, chapter 7: Eight truths

EIGHT!

Those hot guys from the commercials? Good luck finding them. You just found one? Read his profile. His personality rivals that of the evil frat guy in every teenybopper movie, doesn’t it? From what I’ve heard, the women are just as bad.

If you’re using online dating to find your soulmate, be ready to be in it for the long haul. And, for goodness’ sake, choose the right service – not all dating sites are created equal. More on that in a later post.

SEVEN!

It doesn’t matter if you’re the most awesome human being to ever grace the planet – people are still going to reject you for the most ridiculous stuff and go after someone else. That someone else might be the worst human to ever exist (in theory).

Don’t read number SIX! yet. Follow that link first; it’ll take five minutes.

SIX!

You will reject potential dates for the most ridiculous stuff and try to find someone else.

I struggled at first because, really, I don’t mind meeting men who already have kids… but. BUT. If he’s a father, I’d hope he’d be active in his kid’s life… which means gallivanting around the world and taking spontaneous road trips with me would likely be difficult.

I had to do it; I limited my matches to only men without children, but who wanted kids in the future.

Take nothing personally, and don’t feel guilty for rejecting people. The super-hot fireman whose pictures I showed to all my girlfriends, who everyone agreed was delicious (even my straight male friends did), isn’t interested in me. Fine. That guy who seems nice enough, but eh, and does absolutely nothing for me physically, is getting a no. And I’m not going to feel bad about it.

FIVE!

Guard your phone number, where you live, places you frequent, and other personal stuff like your life depends on it. You don’t need to be Facebook friends. C’mon – there are some crazies out there. It’s better to be overly cautious than risk a creeper.

Meliana told me to use an alias, which I would’ve done if I hadn’t used my nickname in my username. Oops. Next time I’ll be Trudy Lamas. Or Aimee N. Willoughby. Or Lana Kane.

FOUR!

From Meliana: Make the first date a casual coffee, not drinks, not dinner, not lunch, no expectations. Coffee is always casual and you can slip away easily if things don’t feel right. Why get all dressed up when you just want to talk? If it goes smoothly, next maybe do happy hour with friends. My friends loved meeting my “dates” and they also make good bodyguards. I’ve also made date “runs” with some friends that marathon train. Funny what you can learn about a guy when you’re running for 3-4 miles. If it doesn’t click, at least you got a good workout.

THREE!

Also from Meliana, and goes with number SIX!: Bring a printout of their profile and your conversations, highlighting interesting facts about the person. Think of it as a cheat sheet. You don’t have to bust it out during the date, but it is a good reference point. Write questions on it too. I used to bring a copy with me on all my dates and just talk. 15 minutes, 30 minutes. Never over an hour. If you want to keep talking, make a date to talk on the phone.

This woman’s married now. She knows what she’s talking about.

TWO!

I was feeling overwhelmed my first week at it. I had tons of Maybes and couldn’t make executive decisions. That Friday night, I took my laptop and went to my friend Mel’s house. I showed her and her husband the system, then basically set her loose on my Maybes.

She knows me, I trust her, and she knocked out a bunch of matches who weren’t right for me.

Find someone who knows you well, and ask them to help you go through matches every once and a while. It’s fun!

ONE!

Don’t put pressure on yourself. If you go into it thinking about what you’d name your future kids, you might be taking it a little too far. I saw one guy who seemed to be my perfect match. Like, whoa. I was super excited about our future together, and envisioned us climbing Kilimanjaro, and hiking Patagonia, riding camels past the pyramids, and all kinds of crazy wonderful adventures and we were going to live happily ever after!

He’s not interested. Whaaa?!?

That’s the way it goes. I probably won’t find anything more than friendship on Match, and that’s fine. I’ll keep trying, and we’ll see what happens, but no pressure. Aaand, I might try a different site, but that’s a story for another day.

2 comments

  1. “It doesn’t matter if you’re the most awesome human being to ever grace the planet – people are still going to reject you for the most ridiculous stuff and go after someone else.”

    Oh My Gawd! I thought I was the only one. I used to write very thoughtful responses to my ‘Matches’ and then they rejected me! I was devastated too many times.

    Great post.

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