Online dating, chapter 4: No, no, no, ehhh… HEY!

Guy from Fort Worth: no.

Guy from Plano: probably not. Especially because he doesn’t have a picture or much of a profile.

Guy from Dallas: you’re 46, and one of your profile pictures is of a baseball player’s bobblehead. No.

Hey, this guy’s interesting, and he “winked” at me. I’ll wink back. Why not?

This other guy from Dallas has some great pictures and a good profile. Match asks if he “sparks my interest.” I’ll say yes. “Really interested? Send him a quick note!” No, Match. Not now.

A match from Keller: his profile consists of a 713-word “conversation” between him and the girls he’s dated. An excerpt:

While sitting outside the restaurant on the patio Nicole tells me that she can guess which car is mine in the parking lot. Nicole: “I think you drive that old beat up Hyundai. I can just tell by the way you dress that you don’t have a lot of money.” I then walked over to the nicest car in the parking lot…a brand new Corvette Z06 I had bought just a few months earlier and left the beautician on the patio. Jared: “So how many guys have you slept with?” Ashley: “Asking how many guys I’ve slept with is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS JARED!” Jared: “Actually since 33% of Americans have an STD it kind of is my business. Months down the road I don’t want to be sticking perfection into a meat grinder.”

Does Jared spark my interest? Absolutely not.

Another match: WHOA he has a long neck. But his profile’s decent. He might be a cop… I’ll give him a Maybe.

Next. “Texas is great and I’m glad to be here.” It is great. But I hope to move away, and one of your profile pictures has 42 people in it – I just counted. I’m not feeling it. No.

This guy from Frisco seems fine. Maybe.

Guy from McKinney… ehhhh. No.

Next guy: “Oh yea, REAL CHRISTIANS DANCE!!! ;)” Wow, this guy is ALL about dancing. Nice, but no.

Oops, I’m already done rating for the day. Looking back through my daily match emails, I’ve realized that they repeat some matches, so I don’t have as many new ones as Match advertises. Humph.

Let’s see… where did that one really handsome guy in that one email go? There’s receding-hairline-with-spikey-hair guy, young-Bill-Nye-lookalike guy, selfie-in-the-bathroom-while-looking-constipated guy…

Oh… oh no. Handsome guy is wearing a button-down with too many buttons open. I don’t know… I’ll like his picture. That’s passive enough for now.

Here’s another guy: “I am looking for someone to share old and new experinces with.” How are we going to share old experiences with each other? Wait… IS YOUR LAST NAME MCFLY?

This was actually pretty fun. We’ll see if any of my winking, liking, or yes-ing makes a difference.

3 comments

  1. “Oh yea, REAL CHRISTIANS DANCE!!!’

    WTF?!
    As opposed to all those ‘not real’ Christians.
    WWJDT? What would Jesus Dance To???
    Hava Nagila Hava? (הבה נגילה)
    See? I did learn something when I worked in Israel and Egypt.

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