“Itinerize” should be a word.

(With this entry I’ve broken a personal rule: If you can’t add pictures to a post, it’s probably not interesting to anyone else and shouldn’t be posted. So I amended that rule and added, “unless you make it short.”)

I’m sitting cross-legged on my bed, leaning up against my deformed pillow (I fold it in half sometimes because I’m too cheap to buy a second pillow). It’s 11:45pm on Thursday, May 5. Tomorrow I’ll wake up when my body is ready, slowly get ready for the day, scoot to work, thoroughly confuse some kids, get some dinner, go for a jog, answer some emails that have been sitting in my inbox for entirely too long, and go to bed early so I can get up at 7am Saturday and go to the TUAPA shelter with Nicola.

I have a calendar that hangs on my wall, and I write all sorts of stuff on it. There are a few events penciled in for the remainder of this month, and another couple in June, but that’s it. I use it more to remember what I’ve done and write things down after they’ve happened. It’s not so much for planning as it is for remembering.

My life never goes in a way I expect. That doesn’t stop my neurotic self from trying to plan everything out anyway. Moving here has helped me see just how much control I actually have over my life and what’s right for it. While I can’t just sit idly by and expect things to happen, I can’t itinerize everything and expect it to go one way. Tried it. Doesn’t work.

All this blathering has a point. It’s that I (generally) know what I’m doing in the immediate future. I know today and tomorrow and the day after that. But really, I’m a blind man walking in the dark – I have no idea where I’m headed and I keep bumping into stuff. I’ve planned multiple possible exits, but for all I know, there’s another exit that I’m about to stumble into, and I have no idea what’s going to happen. I’ll probably stub my toe.

There are many adventures out there, all of which I want to explore. Career. More travel. Love. Some combination. Didn’t The Beatles say something about this?

Now I’m sitting with my legs straight, ankles crossed, and my butt’s falling asleep. It’s 1:10am on Friday, May 6. Time for one more episode of Community before bed. Unless something else comes up. Gotta be flexible.

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